Unter Mom?

Being a Mom is hard.

The hours are long, the pay is seriously delayed at best.  It's lonely and heart-breaking and messy and no one but another mother can understand that.

And yet, the internet and the book store and the fucking Mommy Me classes are full of women who do a really damn good job of making it look easy.  They walk in with their perfectly styled hair and their beautiful dressed toddler and talk about the craft day Saturday and the Little People day on Tuesday and how sweet and quiet their angel was in the service at church on Sunday.

I look at those mothers and think:

Are you fucking kidding me?

When my kids were little I was very lucky to not have Cheerios in my hair when I left the house.  As they've gotten older, it is a rare day when I'm not on the phone in front of my whole damn office screaming at my child, the school and/or some other child's stupid as fuck parent.

I talk to my kids the same way I talk to everyone else - profanity included.  I spank, I yell, I punish and I cry.

And I love my children dearly.

This is a blog to make you feel better about your parenting style and really about your life in general.  Because at least you didn't call your kid an asshat yesterday, your eight year old doesn't bring you xanax when you're losing it and your kids only have one dad.

It's also because someone needs to tell the truth.  No one's life is perfect.  And if you're making your life look perfect you're working way too fucking hard for no reason.  No one believes you.  And honestly, trying to make other people feel bad about their imperfect like is just a really dick move.

Obviously, some of these stories are slightly exaggerated, because I'm a hysterical, exaggerating kind of person, but honestly, not by much.  I'm crazy, not delusional.

Sometimes I truly believe that it's only by the grace of God and the total understanding of my husband that my children and I have lived this long.

I will never try to be an Uber Mom.  I don't have that kind of energy and I'm not a compulsive liar.  I am happy to be the opposite.  I revel in being an Unter* Mom.




*Just so we're clear - I more or less made up the whole "Unter Mom" thing.  My German is spotty at best and adjectives (or their German equivalents) have never been my strong suit.  But I'm fairly certain that "unter" means more or less the opposite of the actual German word "uber" and besides - I like it.